Gems from the book #1
Published on July 25, 2022 by Mihai
As part of our preparation for the book club, we've been browsing through Difficult Conversations for gems like this:
When we view a difficult conversation as
A battle of messages
Then, my assumption is: “I know all I need to know to understand what happened.”
And my goal is: “persuade them I'm right.”
And my goal is: “persuade them I'm right.”
But, when we shift into
A learning conversation
My assumption becomes: “each of us is bringing different information and perceptions to the table; there are likely to be important things that each of us doesn't know.”
And my goal becomes: “explore each other's stories: how we understand the situation and why.” (p. 18)
And my goal becomes: “explore each other's stories: how we understand the situation and why.” (p. 18)
Tiffany:
This resonates so much for me! Intention setting, and shining a spotlight on assumptions are some of my top tools for better communication and understanding. Moving out of competition and needing to be right / to win, and into actively wanting to understand and learn more about the full story.
I actually still have a book my mother gave me, called “Let's both win” 😬 That she gave me such a gift suggests she was keenly aware how much I needed to win arguments 😬 😇
It also reminds me of the ranking-linking frame. Take a look here if you'd like more information about it. (Thanks to Kate for the ranking/linking conversation, many years ago. Among others, it made visible my tendency to activate my inner “helper” in group dynamics.)