By Darrell Herrmann, NSSC Member

Despite being diagnosed with a serious brain disorder / mental illness, schizophrenia, Ihave lived a relatively normal life. I’m a retired United States Army Officer and a retired computer programmer. I also share my love of live jazz performances with my wife, Kristen.     
                                       
Military Years
In 1984, I was a captain in the Army at age thirty. My specialties were field artillery and nuclear weapons. I began to believe that I had been drugged with an experimental drug as part of a secret conspiracy to produce super soldiers. I was mentally falling apart, having trouble sleeping, and generally unable to cope with my daily life.  Believing I had been drugged, it seemed logical to seek medical attention, so I went to the Army hospital emergency room asking for help. They quickly realized I was delusional, and I found myself in a military psychiatric ward.  At this point, it was sadly obvious that my military career was over since nuclear weapons and psychosis don’t go together very well.

After I was released from the psychiatric ward, it was approximately six months before the Army decided what to do with me and released me from active duty.  During those six months, I needed something to do, so I volunteered at the Red Cross office on the army base. When I started volunteering I was really struggling, but could answer the phone, take messages, and do minor clerical duties.  Because the staff were supportive and encouraging, I eventually was able to handle more responsibility.  By the end of the six months, I was doing everything a paid worker would do.  The chance to rebuild my coping skills was crucial to my later success in dealing with my illness. 

Continuing Education & Career Years
In January of 1985, I began studying for my computer science degree at Kansas State University.  I was coping with a demanding school schedule and found I had to work harder at my schoolwork than the first time I was in college, just a few years earlier. After my first semester, I needed a medication change as the antipsychotic I was taking, Stelazine, did not allow me to think as clearly.  On the new antipsychotic medication, Trilafon, which I had been on briefly and liked while I was on active duty, my thinking was much clearer.  In December of 1986, with the medication adjustments proving helpful, I successfully completed my Bachelor’s of Science degree in computer science.

Between 1984 and 2004, I moved across several states. I lived in Oklahoma, Texas, Ohio, and Arkansas, all for employment opportunities in information technology. For example, I worked for an insurance software company, and later worked for a bank. Each time I moved to a different city, my top priority had to be finding a psychiatrist so I could get my medications. I had many psychiatrists, some of whom were good and some terrible.

By 2004, the stress of working was causing me to have mild delusional thinking and some hallucinations despite the fact that I was on a very high dose of an antipsychotic medication. I was experiencing false beliefs and hearing things that weren’t real.  The stress of work mimicked the “Dilbert Syndrome.”  Just like the character, Dilbert, in the comic strip, I dealt with impossible coworkers, unreasonable schedules and deadlines, confusing and conflicting guidance from management, and computer users who never knew what they wanted, but wanted it yesterday. When I delivered programs to these users that did exactly what they had requested the programs do, they were never satisfied and wanted something else. 

It reached the point where I could not see a win in the situation for anyone. At that point, after a lot of discussion with my psychiatrist and psychologist, I decided to go on disability because my work experience at several different companies over eighteen years showed that the “Dilbert Syndrome” is endemic.  Although I could have tried to find a job in another company, the “Dilbert Syndrome” would likely strike again and once again severely impact my ability to work successfully. 

Retirement Years
After going on disability, I needed to find ways to occupy my time productively.  I started volunteering one hour per week on the Riverside psychiatric unit talking to patients about how to live and cope with a mental illness.  I decided to expand my volunteer efforts, and with the help of Mental Health America of Franklin County, I expanded to other hospital psychiatric units in Columbus.  In the ten years prior to the COVID pandemic, I spoke to more than 30,000 patients.

In November 2019, I published a book, Straight Talk About Living With A Severe Mental Illness, about what I had learned that hospitalized patients had questions about and needed answers to. This book was a product of my many years of volunteering and has been well received. It covers the basic information that anyone dealing with a severe mental illness should know, but all too often doesn’t know.

THREE KEYS TO MY RECOVERY
​1. Medication
The foundation of my recovery from schizophrenia is my antipsychotic medication.  When I first became ill in the Army, I was placed on an antipsychotic, Navane, which quickly brought my symptoms under control but had some side effects.  Specifically, I felt a little stiff, my feet hurt mildly when I walked, and I ached.  I was sent back to my apartment and put on sick leave. 

One day I forgot to take the medication.  I felt much better and realized later that it was because I was not taking the medication. I decided that I wouldn’t take the antipsychotic anymore.  When I saw the Army psychiatrist a couple of days later, I told him what had happened and that I didn’t want to take the medication anymore.  He said, “That’s fine.”  Approximately two weeks later, I once again became fully psychotic and wound up back in the hospital. This is when I was placed on the antipsychotic, Trilafon, and my symptoms were quickly brought under control. From this experience, I learned that I needed medication to stay out of the hospital. Because I wanted to stay out of the hospital as much as possible, I never went off my medications again. 

2. Education
Another key factor in my recovery has been learning as much as I can about my illness.  While I was in college, I researched schizophrenia extensively but found very little help.  Almost all the research I found was based on psychoanalysis and medication was rarely, if ever, mentioned as a treatment for schizophrenia.  Then in 1985, I found the new book Surviving Schizophrenia by psychiatrist E. Fuller Torrey. It was written in a way that the average layperson can understand and provided clear information about schizophrenia and how it can be treated.   

​3. Social Support
The final and major piece of my recovery was a support group that has been meeting weekly since 2001. Those meetings were the first time I had friends with whom I could openly talk to about my illness and how I was coping.  I have been leading the group since 2006. I find it extremely beneficial to be able to discuss coping skills and current issues with friends who can relate. 

Mission Status: Success
Since 1997, the only medication I have taken to treat my schizophrenia is the antipsychotic, Perphenazine. I enjoyed many years of successfully working as an information technologist. I’m in a healthy and happy marriage. I have learned to deal with occasional symptoms, such as hearing voices that aren’t there, despite that I’m medicated, educated, and have solid social support. Recovery means that I am living as full and rewarding a life as possible.  I am a prime example of recovery at its best.